We're Not On Drugs, Honestly!!!
by Miss Calysto and WWFDivaGirl
Summary: Mix 2 authors, Wal-Mart, loads of WWF Superstars and a few Typo Faeries, and what do you get? This, acutally.


Authors: Miss Calysto-Helmsley and WWFDivaGirl  
  
Title: We're not on drugs, Honestly!  
  
Disclaimer: Miss Calysto-Helmsley owns Marie, WWFDivaGirl's mom owns Bethany. Miss C-H owns Hunter and Diva owns Chris… but that's only in their dreams. Vince owns everyone. No fair!!!  
  
A/N: A few things ya'll need to know…  
  
Typo Faerie: It's a little purple creature that pressed the buttons on your keyboard, making you make typing errors, or typos. (Honestly, we AREN'T on drugs!!!)  
  
Bethany: WWFDivaGirl (Loves Jericho. Oh, and Jeff. And Raven. And… anyway.)  
  
Marie: Miss Calysto-Helmsley (Loves HHH. Will marry HHH.)  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Jeff: on voice over system *Attention K-Mart Shoppers!! We have a lost Jericho on aisle 4!*  
  
Bethany: sprints to aisle 4. from in between the baked beans tins Marie!! Chris is in Aisle 4!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!  
  
Marie: I don't think he is…  
  
Bethany: You mean.... Jericho ISN'T in aisle 4?! lip starts to tremble, eyes start to water…  
  
Marie: Maybe he is  
  
Bethany: Ooh!!!  
  
Marie: *glares at Jeff* If he ain't there, you're in trouble!  
  
*Jeff sighs* Not again!!  
  
*dances down aisle 4, looking in the coco pops boxes*  
  
  
  
Bethany: HE WAS IN THE COCO POPS!!!  
  
Marie: -blinks-  
  
*Jeff smiles at Marie*  
  
I told ya!!  
  
*Jeff runs through the aisles singing some song*  
  
Marie: Damn! I knew we shouldn't of brought him!!  
  
Bethany: Hey, he told me where to find Chrissie! *drags Chris Jericho into view. He is covered in coco pops*  
  
Marie: blinks and stares at Jericho what happened to you?  
  
Chris: That blue haired freak stuffed me into some box!! Points at the skipping Hardy boy  
  
Rock: Quit stealing my catchphrases you Sick Freak!!!!  
  
Chris: I said Blue haired freak! Not sick freak!  
  
Rock: whining now He did it again!  
  
Marie: Rocky, If you're a good boy I'll buy you a pie  
  
Bethany: I hear Stephanie's is going cheap...  
  
Chris, Bethany, Rock, Marie: -snigger-  
  
suddenly a loud screeching noise is heard YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT ME LIKE THAT!  
  
Bethany: grabs some bug spray and puts it in the cart that Marie is pushing  
  
Marie: Is that for the silicone bug?  
  
  
  
Bethany: nods  
  
Rocky: When can I have some pie? Looking at Marie  
  
Marie: blink Why ain't ya talking in third person?  
  
Rock: When will The Rock get some pie?!?  
  
Bethany: goes back to the Bug Spray stand, and picks up another three bottles of the stuff this works wonders with Typo Faeries...  
  
Stephanie: I AM NOT A TYPO FAERIE!!!  
  
Marie: No, she's a slut fiend.  
  
Chris: I totally agree with you.  
  
Rock: I want Pie!!!  
  
Marie: glances at Rock  
  
Rock: Uh...I mean...The Rock Wants Pie!!!!  
  
Marie: rolls eyes  
  
Chris: What is this? picks up a small box on the shelf  
  
Bethany: looks over his shoulder and reads out loud Funky Freddy's Hair Dye  
  
Jeff: Eeeeee!!!! Grabs box and takes off again  
  
Marie: Jeff quit running!!!!  
  
Jeff: Voice coming from somewhere far away Yes mom!!  
  
Bethany: pouts I wanted that...  
  
Chris: whispers in Bethany's ear, and her eyes light up  
  
Marie, Rock: Stare at Bethany as she starts giggling.  
  
Bethany: in v. loud voice I thought you were on the lookout for Hunter, anyway, Marie!  
  
Rocky: You mean you didn't come here to try my Strudel... I mean, The Rock's Strudel???  
  
Marie: ignores Rock He's busy, I don't really know what, but he said he had to get something  
  
Rock: Didn't you hear the Rock woman!!  
  
Marie: Picks up an apples out of her cart and puts it in the Rocks mouth Eat and hush!  
  
Chris: Boy, your motherly instincts are really kicking in ain't they?  
  
Marie: pats belly Not yet, but one day I'll be a good mommy!  
  
Jeff: runs around the corner and jumps into the cart smiling at Marie  
  
Marie: besides, I've got him right now points to Jeff  
  
Bethany: eyes boggle what, are you expecting triplets or something?!  
  
Chris: I don't get it.  
  
Marie, Bethany: -blinks-  
  
Bethany: looking at Chris, Jeff is behind her Jeff is like having three kids to look after. without looking behind her Jeff, don't eat the shampoo!  
  
Marie: Leave Mommy's Herbal Essences along, Jeffy-poo!!!  
  
Jeff: But it tastes yummy!!  
  
Rock: still munching on the apple Ain't he old enough to date you? waving his hand in Jeff's direction  
  
Bethany: They used too  
  
Rock & Jericho: O_O!!  
  
Jeff: Chicks dig the dumb guy! realizes he slipped out of character Uh...Look at the pretty ceiling  
  
Bethany: And we used to be an item.  
  
Chris: Hey! That's just TOO freaky. picks up three large bars of chocolate and puts them in the trolley  
  
Marie: To Bethany You're a quick mover!  
  
Bethany: It's not me, it's him! (A/N: I'll leave the chocolate to your able imaginations! *snigger*)  
  
Marie: Yeah, yeah, heard that one before, haven't I, Jeff?  
  
Jeff: Preeeeetty yellow boxes of... EWW! Tampons! Get them away from me!!! Throws them at The Rock  
  
Rock: seeing the tampons AHH!! Damnit! runs to catch up with Jericho who is standing by some candy  
  
Bethany: catches up with the boys Ooo!!! I want Hershey's!! throws some bars into the cart  
  
Marie: glances down at Jeff What are you grinning at?  
  
Jeff: breaking character again Ditch the game, and come back to the highflier baby.  
  
Hunter: clears throat  
  
Jeff: Look at the preeeeeeettty ...  
  
Chris: No! Don't do it, Jeff!! We're still in the Women's Aisle!!!  
  
Hunter: Marie, has he been hitting on you again?!  
  
Marie: Not in so many words… he's Jeff, the dumb one, remember? He can't tell Women's Products from a yellow box.  
  
Hunter, Chris, Rocky: go red, embarrassed at "Women's Products"  
  
Marie and Bethany: watch as the boys take off down the aisle  
  
Marie: looking back at Jeff trying to get out of the cart Need help highflier?  
  
Jeff: Nope, I'm getting it. stands up and does a flip out of the cart and surprisingly lands on his feet Later! winks at Marie and runs off in the opposite way  
  
Bethany: He'll be killed before the day is over  
  
Marie: staring at the list Where is the book aisle?  
  
Bethany: I think it's Aisle 7  
  
Marie: Um, ok...  
  
Bethany: Where did the guys go?  
  
Marie: I think I saw them run off to the alcohol aisle.  
  
Bethany: Aww! Couldn't we do that?! Puppy dog eyes  
  
Marie: in a second I promise!  
  
Bethany: eyes light up OK!  
  
Marie: Ahh! here we are, Aisle 7!  
  
Bethany: uh-oh  
  
Raven: Well look who's here, two of the most gorgeous ladies I've ever met  
  
Bethany: Flattery will get you everywhere  
  
Marie: elbows Bethany in the ribs Cute Scott, where is looks at list "Tale of Two Cities"  
  
Scott: I think you'll find it over there (points vaguely)  
  
Bethany: has gone all flirty-girly How are you today, Raven?  
  
Scott:clearly flattered Please, call me Scott. starts eyeing Marie, though  
  
Marie: Here it is!!!  
  
Bethany: Trying to get his attention How are things? Marie starts approaching the two  
  
Scott: Things are getting better.  
  
Marie: tosses book into cart Thanks Scott  
  
Scott: Is that all? Would you love to get some coffee or something eyes locked on Marie  
  
Bethany: I'd love some coffee linking arms with Raven  
  
Hunter, Rock, & Chris: Come down the aisle  
  
Chris: clears throat Well how is everyone? keeping eyes locked on Bethany  
  
Rock: What in the blue hell is going on? Why are we in the book section? And where is the Rocks book anyway? hunts for his book  
  
  
  
Marie: whispers to others Better run, I don't think they stock it!! They all slouch off as The Rock searches for his book. Bethany has now linked arms with both Raven and Jeff  
  
Rock: WHERE IN THE BLUE HELL IS THE ROCK'S BOOK YOU SICK FREAK OF A SHOP ASSISTANT?!!!  
  
Bethany: Better run!!! They all start running, and are in the fruit and veg aisle, and they bump into The Great One  
  
Chris: How did you get here so fast?  
  
Rock: Did you honestly think, that you, Chris Jericho, could out run The Rock?  
  
Marie: picks up another apple and hands it to Rock Eat!  
  
Rock: But...  
  
Marie: EAT!!!!  
  
Rock: starts munching on apple  
  
Hunter: Why are you here? staring at Raven  
  
Raven: still linked with Bethany and still staring at Marie Shopping  
  
Jeff: Looks over at Bethany Do you want to go to the toy aisle?  
  
Bethany: Or... The Hair Products Aisle!!!  
  
Jeff: Race ya there!!! Bethany lets go of Raven, who doesn't look upset OR happy about this. Bethany and Jeff run off, and Chris follows them, on the pretence of needing some conditioner  
  
Raven: So, Marie, how have you been?  
  
Marie: Ok... Hunter? We need some Oreos, you ate the last box. Hunter nods and walks off. All that are left are Marie, Raven and Rocky with an apple in his mouth  
  
Rock: munch munch munch  
  
Raven: It's been a while  
  
Marie: Yes it has been, how are you and Molly?  
  
Raven: sighs You heard about that huh?  
  
Marie: shrugs Does it matter?  
  
Raven: stands closer to Marie It could  
  
Clang  
  
Hunter: tossed the Oreos in the cart Raven.  
  
Raven: Glares at Hunter Hunter.  
  
Marie: feeling the tension Raven, Hunter and me are together now. Looks back down at list  
  
Marie: in loud voice I want Youre Wieners!  
  
Rocky: starts Choking  
  
Hunter: Excuse me?!  
  
Marie: We need... wieners... for the barbecue on Saturday. Youre's is the brand… Chris appears, looking extremely pissed off. Bethany is heard screaming in delight and they all run to the aisle. She is holding a box of "Cool Blue" Hair Dye  
  
Bethany: This stuff is SO HARD to get a hold of!!!  
  
Jeff: I know! And It's so coo... pweeeeetty!!!  
  
Marie: About to ask Jericho what's wrong but sees another Canadian cutie on Bethany's heels Oh.  
  
Hunter: Oh, what?  
  
Marie: points to Edge He used to date Bethany.  
  
Rock: And?  
  
Raven: Chris likes Bethany dumbass  
  
Rock: Just because Marie ain't your woman no more, don't mean you can be aloud to talk to the Great One like that you jabroni!!  
  
Bethany: brightly Hi Babes!  
  
Edge: Hi, Munchkin! they hug warmly  
  
Chris: I think I'm going to be sick!  
  
Bethany: It's amazing to see you here, babes, what's been going on?  
  
Edge: Not that much, Munchkin, what about you?!  
  
Marie: to Raven This is bad Raven nods. 5 minutes pass of the baby-like chatter.  
  
Jeff: suddenly Look! It's Edge! Hi Edge!  
  
Edge: Hey, Jeffro!  
  
Hunter: hugs Marie Ain't you glad we don't talk like that, fluffykins?  
  
Marie: Totally, sweetums!  
  
Raven and Chris: groans  
  
Jeff: Edge Edge Edge!!! Let's go to the toy aisle!!  
  
Edge: Sure thing Jeffro  
  
Rock: They better have the Rock's action figures!!  
  
Chris: mumbles under breath Maybe they'll all get lost  
  
Raven: mumbles back Maybe Hunter will go too  
  
Kurt: Hey Marie! walks to the cart and pulls out a carton of milk Can I have some?  
  
Marie: Kurt, you have to PAY for the stuff before you eat it. Yes, even the milk.  
  
Kurt: But No Fair!!!  
  
Marie: Yes, fair!  
  
Bethany: walks over to Raven, and links arms with him, seeing as how both Edge and Jeff have run to the toy aisle So how are you, Raven?  
  
Raven: Pretty good, thanks. Bethany links arms with Kurt, too  
  
Bethany: And how are you, Kurty?  
  
Kurt: I'm firsty! I want Miwk!  
  
Hunter: When the hell did you start talking like a three year old?  
  
Kurt: When I'm thirsty, by the way, I'm not talking to you! You cost me my title shot at Wrestle Mania!  
  
Bethany: Aww, it'll be ok Kurtsie  
  
Kurt: No it's not! Now I got to help Stephanie out and hope her dad will give me another title shot, and let me tell you, Steph can be annoying.  
  
screeching noise heard again  
  
hunter: AhhH!!! It's back!!! It's the Silicone Typo Faerie grabs onto Marie and then spins her around to kiss her  
  
Raven: groans loudly  
  
Chris: glaring at Kurt on Bethany Why are you still here?  
  
  
  
Meanwhile over in the toy aisle  
  
Rock: Who would want a Big Show action figure?  
  
Big Show: Punches Rock from behind  
  
Edge: Him  
  
Jeff: looking through some binoculars I can see them I can see Bethany and Marie!! starts drooling over Marie  
  
Rocky: The Rock does not believe it! The Rock cannot see an action figure of The Rock, The Rock can only see that jabroni Big Show and his itty, bitty balls.  
  
Edge, Jeff, Big Show: -blinks-  
  
The Rock: What are you staring at...?  
  
Edge: finishes You Sick Freak!!!  
  
Jeff: looking back in the binoculars They're coming!!!!!! They're coming!!!! Hurrah!!!!  
  
Edge: snatches binoculars. Focuses on Bethany's puppies and starts drooling THEY are coming!  
  
  
  
Jeff: Marie!!!! runs up and hugs Marie Can I have some chocolate?  
  
Marie: giggling After we pay!  
  
Kurt: Damn! I thought I could steal some Milk but it's not here!  
  
Marie: What?  
  
Austin walks around the corner Austin: What?!  
  
Other shoppers: WHAT!?!  
  
Everyone but Austin: AHH!!!! RUN!!!!  
  
Everyone runs away, even Stephanie  
  
Austin: What?! Booker T walks into the aisle WHAT?!  
  
Booker: AAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!  
  
  
  
~*~The End~*~ 


End file.
